This Trust of Mine Read online

"Gram-"

  "No, I won't hear anymore no's comin' from you. I want the truth, all of it and if I don't get it, well, then you might have to just find yourself somewhere else to live, Darlin'. We don't lie to one another in this family. You know that."

  Guilt, that was the only reason I started explainin' myself to her, and this was the only home I knew. "He found me."

  "Who found ya, Darlin'?"

  Her cool, wrinkled hands were holding mine as she stroked the back of them with the pads of her thumbs. "Wren." His voice came out barely a whisper, but I knew she heard me when she tightened her grip on my hands.

  "When?" She stuttered.

  "The night Madison left. I went out to say good-bye to him and when I started comin' home, he was right behind me." I swallowed past the lump in my throat, trying to get out the rest of the story, without falling to pieces in front of my grandmomma.

  "What happened, KJ?"

  I looked up at her with tears in my eyes. I blinked rapidly trying to clear my tear clouded vision. "He...he...ra...raped, me." As I heard the words being spoken out loud, I crumpled over into my granmomma's lap. My cries instantly turned into hysterics and I was havin' a hard time catching my breath. Her fingers combed through my hair and ran down my back, in small soothing motions, but nothing or no one could take away the pain of that night, not even my grandmomma.

  "Oh my lord, Kayla. You should've never had to go through that. No girl or woman should ever have to go through that. It wasn't your fault, Darlin'. He is a wicked boy. Are you okay? I mean physically are you okay?"

  I shook my head in her lap, knowing damn right good and well that I wasn't.

  "Have you told Madison?"

  I looked up through hooded eyes at my grams, "no, I can never tell him. He will never want me again."

  "Oh dear, you know that ain't true. That boy loves you. Kayla, that boy would climb the tallest mountain for you, swim the deepest ocean, hell he would even give you his own life as long as he could have just a small piece of you. I know this."

  "How do you know?"

  "Because I spoke with the young man the day he left. There ain't nothin' that boy wouldn't give to be with you."

  I slowly sat back in my chair, wiping the still falling tears off of my cheeks. "He asked me to go with him." As much as I didn't want to tell her, I felt I owed her that since she had shared something with me.

  "I see. And why didn't you go? Do you not love him, Kayla?"

  "Of course I do. I know that sounds a little trite, given the current situation and the lack of time that I've known him, but I really do. He's all I ever think about. Everyday, I wake up and go to sleep thinkin' of nothin' but him. Hell, he's even in my dreams. I can't shake him, and I don't think I want to. Does that make any sense?" I set my head back against the tall wooden chair and began rocking.

  "Of course that makes sense. It's called the Raine Effect." My grandmomma chuckled. "I too, was once in love with a Raine. I don't know what it is about those men, but they have somethin' that grips at your soul and never lets go. Trust me baby, I understand."

  My eyes shot open and in the direction of my grandmomma. "Well, I reckon one day you'll have to tell me that story."

  "Another day, dear, another day. I think you should call that boy. He is probably just about freakin' out. How long has it been since he has even heard from you?"

  "A month." I whispered, ashamed at my behavior.

  "Good lord, that's quite a while. Kayla Anne James, you march your butt into that house and you pick up that phone to call that boy. You need to put him out of his misery. Now I'm not sayin' you need to share everything you shared with me, but you need to make him understand, before it's too late."

  I nodded in agreement. I stood and kissed my grandmomma on the head as I made my way inside to find my cell phone. I had turned it off almost three weeks ago, when Madison wouldn't stop calling. As soon as I powered it on, I saw all the missed calls and messages. My entire voicemail box was full. I couldn't believe it.

  Before I called Madison, I sat against my headboard and listened to every last message he had left me. They varied from sad, to mad, to angry, to hurt, to heartbroken and finally livid. I wasn't sure exactly how he was going to react to me calling, or if he'd even pick up, but I had to take the chance, on him.

  Chapter 3

  Madison

  I woke up again a little after one in the mornin', unable to get any sort of sleep. I was feeling a bit loopy due to my sleeping pill, but I could no longer just lay in bed staring at the ceiling, willing her to come back to me. After my conversation with Glenn and Cami today, I could only assume that she was finding a way to move on from me.

  Of course it broke my heart, but what could I do really? Kayla was a strong willed girl, and if she wanted something, she would make it happen. Obviously, what she wanted wasn't me. I pushed myself into a sitting position, as I ran my hands down my face, trying to wake up enough to get out of this suffocating dorm room. I pulled on a pair of jeans, my black t-shirt, black chucks and my signature baseball cap and headed out. I wasn't exactly sure where I was going, but ASU was known as the party school, so I'm sure I could find some sort of trouble to get into.

  Sure enough after walking down sorority row, or whatever they called it these days, I saw that one of the sororities was having a party. There was a slew of plastic red cups strung across the yard along with a couple of people. Some passed out, some having sex and some throwing up the contents of their stomachs. Yup, wouldn't be a Friday night otherwise. School wasn't in session yet, so it was a little weird to see so many people already on campus, but I was going to go ahead and assume that the fraternities and sororities came early.

  I recognized one of the guys from the team on the front porch, so I made my way over to him. When I got closer, I realized that he was with a couple of other guys from the team as well. I wonder why none of them thought to invite me?

  "Hey Swansen, what's up bro?" I patted him on the shoulder.

  He turned and pulled me into a half armed shake slash hug. "Holy shit, Raine. What are you doing here?"

  "I figured I'd come out and see what this whole party school was really all about." I smiled at the circle of players I knew.

  "Well welcome, my friend. We would've asked you along tonight, but you usually head out of practice so fast, we just assumed you had better things to do." He laughed.

  "Nah, just been preoccupied lately."

  "Ah, I understand that. Well, you know all the guys, Rodgers, Kipton and Hernandez. And that guy over there," he pointed at a short squatty guy in the corner with the tip of his beer bottle, "that's Seth. He doesn't play ball, but he's a pretty cool guy."

  I gave a small head nod in everyone's direction.

  "You wanna beer?" Hernandez asked. He was our short stop and from what I could tell so far, a pretty cool guy who loved to party.

  "Yeah sure, bro. Thanks."

  He tossed me a bottle of Bud Light and I quickly removed the cap and started chugging it down. If it was the last thing I did tonight, I would be forgetting Kayla James. "So whose house is this?" I asked.

  "Ah, well my brother, welcome to Kappa Alpha Theta. The most beloved and hated sorority here." Swansen laughed as he slung his arm around my shoulder, pulling me inside. "My girlfriend is actually part of this sorority. She's around here somewhere."

  I could tell these guys had been drinking for quite some time now, because all of their words were slurring together, but who was I to judge. If Glenn had come to school with me, like we planned, this would be him and I every night.

  "So, are we tryin' to find you a girl, or no?"

  I wasn't quite sure how to answer him. Even though I didn't want to be thinkin' about Kayla, I would also feel bad if somethin' happened to ever put that relationship in jeopardy.

  "Nah, at least not for now. But, I could use another beer, or maybe a shot."

  "A shot it is!" He roared as we made our way back into the kitchen where most people see
med to be conglomerating.

  "Everyone, this is Raine. Raine, this is everyone."

  Everyone roared in unison with a "hello Raine," I just stood back, lifted my beer and started laughing. A long legged, tanned and toned, bleach blonde came sauntering up to Swansen's side and I couldn't help but stare. She was drop dead gorgeous. She wore minimal amounts of makeup and her hair hung to about the middle of her back. It was wavy and pulled into a low ponytail. And her lips, yum. Oh man how I would love to devour those things. What the hell? I quickly tore my eyes away from her and focused on the full shot glass in front of me. I lifted it in Swansen's direction, and we both threw them back. The burn of the whiskey was a welcome distraction from the strange thoughts that had been running through my head just a few seconds ago. I noticed her arm was now locked around Swansens's waist and I could only assume this was the girlfriend he had been talking about.

  "Hi, I'm Madison." I stuck my hand out to shake hers, but all she did was laugh as she pulled her arm from around Swansen's waist, pulling me into a deep hug.

  "Heard a lot about you, Madison. I'm Renee, this dick head's girlfriend."

  When she pulled back, I had a semi-hard on and immediately felt embarrassed. I shoved my hand in my front pocket and tipped back my beer, trying to take the focus off of me. "Well, it's nice to meet you Renee."

  "Renee, he says he isn't lookin', but let's find him a cute girl to talk to." Swansen yelled in her ear loud enough that I could hear.

  "Oh I have the perfect girl for you." She grabbed my hand just as I grabbed a new beer and dragged me out into the living room that had been converted to a dance floor. "Come on."

  As we made our way across the room, through the barrage of people, a tall brunette came into view. I couldn't help my mind from floating to Kayla. This girl was a spitting image of her, in almost every way. Her hair was the same shade of brown and it hung at her waistband just like Kayla's, and her body was pretty much the same shape, although Kayla had way bigger boobs. When she turned fully to face us, my mouth fell open. It was her. It had to be her. There was no way two people could look this much a like. I was meeting Kayla's doppelganger and it was freaking me the fuck out.

  "Madison, this is Korena. Korena, this is Madison. Have fun!" Before I could even get the words out of my mouth, Renee had disappeared into thin air.

  "Hi Madison. How are ya?"

  Man, this was a trip. I wasn't even sure how to act towards this girl. "Um, I'm okay. How about you?"

  "I'm good." She was now leanin' closely into my ear so I could hear her over the music. "You wanna go somewhere and talk?" She shouted.

  I threw my head back in laughter. "Isn't that supposed to be my line?"

  "I suppose, but either way, I stole it." She winked and grabbed my hand, leading my up the back stairs off of the living room. I wasn't sure where we were going, but at this point I really didn't care.

  The alcohol mixed with my sleeping meds, were making for quite a concoction. I felt drunk, but way more drunk than I should be. When we got to the top of the stairs, she guided me into one of the bedrooms to the right. I assumed it was hers, given the fact that she knew exactly where to go, that and all the pictures in this room seemed to have her in them.

  Korena didn't waste anytime going after what she wanted. Within seconds of her locking the door, she had lost all her clothing except for her bra and panties and she was now straddling me. I tried to push her away, to explain that I had somebody back home, but there was no way this girl was takin' no for an answer.

  "Wait, Korena. I can't do this."

  "Yes you can, just sit back cowboy, I'll do the work."

  The minute the nickname came out of her mouth, I sealed my lips against hers. I was in a haze and my mind was telling me that this was Kayla in front of me and not Korena. Our kissing became rampant, fast. My hands were moving up and down her back, before settling on the hook of her bra. Within seconds, her beautiful breasts were right in my face. Her pink nipples calling for me to take them into my mouth. I didn't hesitate. If I stopped long enough to think, I would change my mind, and I needed this. I needed to forget.

  I took each pink hardened nipple into my mouth and sucked long and hard, bringing them out to a point. I heard her cry out in pleasure and it only fueled me further. I slipped my hand down to her heat. I could feel how wet she was through her panties and it made my dick rock hard. I slid a finger in between her wet folds and her panties, pushing it into her without a second thought. She arched her back and her breasts were in prime position for me to once again pull into my mouth.

  I glided my finger in and out of her a few more times while teasing her tantalizing nipples. I could feel her walls tightening around my finger, and I didn't want her comin' without getting my chance to get off. I swiftly threw her down on the bed and kicked my half undone pants onto the floor, but not without grabbing a condom first. I slid on the condom and placed the tip of my dick at her slick entrance. Without warning, I slammed into her full force. She cried out, in what I could only assume was a mixture of pleasure and pain, but I paid it no mind. I thrust in and out of her at a constant pace, finally coming undone a few minutes later. Kayla's name sat at the tip of my tongue, aching to be shouted out loud, but I kept it in. There was no reason to hurt this girl in front of me, for someone who apparently didn't want me anyway.

  I pulled out and slipped into the bathroom, to dispose of the condom. When I came back out, Korena was perched at the edge of her bed. "Are you okay?" I reached down for my pants, catching her eyes with mine before standing back up.

  "Are you kidding me? That was amazing. Thanks, cowboy." She was slipping her skirt and tank top back on when I stepped in front of her. I bent down a bit so she could see the serious look on my face.

  "Please, don't call me cowboy."

  "Okay, Madison." She smiled as I placed a chaste kiss to her lips.

  "Look, I think I should head home. I got practice in the morning and I can't be late. You wanna hang again sometime?" I knew the chances of me hanging out with her again were slim, but I wasn't a total dick.

  "Sure. You know where I live. Stop by anytime. I don't do numbers." She winked.

  "Awesome, me either. So I'll see ya around?"

  "Absolutely, Madison."

  I walked out of her room, feeling like an asshole for the first time in thirty days. I don't know what it was, it could have been the sex I guess, but I felt better than I had the night I left home. I quickly said my good-byes to all the guys and made my way back to the dorm. I shut and locked the door behind me before collapsing on the bed. I slid my broken ass phone from my front pocket, placing it on my nightstand before I started to drift off to sleep.

  Seconds later, I heard the loud annoying ringtone I had set to my phone earlier so I would be able to hear it no matter where I was. I sleepily glanced over at the flashing screen and I almost lost my shit when her name flashed across the screen, along with the picture I had secretly taken of her one day as her background when she called. I swallowed the guilty lump in my throat down as much as possible and quickly answered before she hung up.

  "Hello?"

  "Well hey there, cowboy."

  Fuck me!

  Chapter 4

  Kayla

  I had sat on my bed for hours and hours, debating whether or not to call. I wasn't ready to tell him why I had been avoiding him for the past month, but my grandmomma was right. I owed it to him to at least let him know I was still alive.

  When he answered his phone, I knew he had to be sleeping. His voice always sounded so sexy when it was laced with sleep, and I could suddenly imagine him laying in his dorm room, hand above his head with nothing on but his boxer briefs.

  Mmmmmhhmmm.

  I knew I had his attention when I called him cowboy. It got to him every time and I was definitely using that to my advantage.

  "How have you been?" His voice was gravelly but I could still make out the hurt and the anger in it, and I suddenly regretted calling
him all together.

  "Not so good." I didn't want to tell him, but I also didn't want to lie. He deserved as much of the truth as I could give.

  "I wouldn't assume so. So where've you been?" Okay now he just sounded pissed.

  "I'm sorry, Madison. I really am."

  "Are you really? Because honestly, it's hard to believe you when I haven't spoken to you in a month. A month, Kayla. And then to find out that you were down at the swimming hole with Dennis, of all people."

  "It wasn't like that, Madison. Please you have to believe me."

  "Do I? Why? Why should I believe you? I mean, it's not like I have anything to go off of. You don't call, you don't write, hell you don't even send text messages. What the hell, Kayla?"

  Him being this mad was in turn making me mad. I wanted to tell him what had happened that night he left, but I couldn't. Wren warned me, and I knew better than to go against him. But even more than that, now he was just being a dick. Telling my grandmamma was one thing, but telling Madison was another entirely. I knew the things he was capable of doing. I knew Madison would be able to hold his own, but there was no reason to get him involved, ever. "Madison, please understand."

  "UNDERSTAND WHAT?" He was screaming so loudly, that I broke out in tears. I couldn't hold them back anymore. I needed him to understand, but he was just being so cruel. His words were cutting me like a knife. I was becoming hysterical, as he kept screaming nothing but profanities at me, when he finally heard a sob break through.

  "Oh my god, no. Kayla, no. Please, oh baby I didn't mean to make you cry. Oh my god, Kayla say something pretty girl. Talk to me please."

  There was no way I was getting any words out past the sobs. My whole body was shaking and practically convulsing from how hard I was crying. I couldn't even answer him. He must've realized this because he lowered his voice, and I let that soft velvety voice embrace me.

  "Kayla, just listen to me for a second please. I've been going crazy without you. I don't even know what to do with myself. I go to practice and come straight home and that's it. I check my phone at least a dozen times a day, and even when I know you haven't called, I still check it. I need you Kayla, more than I need air to breathe. Please, please tell me you miss me, something, anything."